Do I Still Experience Any Psychosis?

Short answer: very little and only rarely. It’s not disturbing and doesn’t disrupt my day-to-day life.

Longer answer: The most pervasive symptom is one that I experience multiple times per day. It’s a belief that certain numbers are significant.

I frequently look at my watch or phone and see number patterns which seem significant.

For a while, 444 and 11 were very significant to me. They seemed to represent death and destruction. By coincidence, 3 people died around that time (444 is the number 4 (death) repeated 3 times). And also, I ended my friendships with two close friends, represented by 11, which also happened on 11th September (9/11, Twin Towers). 444 can also represent a spiritual awakening, which is what I’d been calling my psychosis.

So, back to today…

The times with repeating numbers seem to be the most significant, like 12:22.

Times with 4 repeating numbers are the most significant of all, like 11:11.

Even times which are palindromic (the same when reversed) have some degree of significance, such as 13:31.

What do all the times/numbers signify? I don’t know, but I decided they were lucky in some way. It helped me feel comforted, like the Universe was looking out for me.

But, now the psychosis is 99%+ over (at least it feels that way), I’m trying to interpret these experiences through a scientific lens.

It seems to be my brain’s pattern-matching ability going into overdrive. These times stand out as slightly unusual, but then my brain makes the leap into bestowing them with special significance.

The depressingly simple fact is that we forget all the times we look at our watch or a clock and the numbers are not significant or repeating. We only remember the ones that stand out.

I have depression and addiction issues. I often feel the urge to escape from reality. Perhaps these psychosis symptoms are a manifestation of that desire.

Since being a teenager I’ve always liked the number 29 and felt it had some kind of special significance to me. But I didn’t obsess over it.

And the number 8 has always been significant to my wife and I.

I’m pretty sure these numbers are just a bit of curious fun… they don’t dominate my life or cause me to come up with elaborate meanings for their significance.

And these times I’m seeing on clocks every day… again I’m pretty sure it’s just something curious, my brain spotting patterns. Nothing magical or supernatural at all… unfortunately.

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Today’s date is:


Take out the zeroes and the slashes:

21 92 19

Add the outer two numbers (9 and 2) and you get 11. Split the 11 and place each 1 back in the outer most positions:

11 92 11

Add the central two numbers

11 11 11

1 is the symbol for UNITY.

11 is a powerful magical / spiritual number.

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Given how significant certain numbers have seemed to me recently, I thought it might be interesting and fun to look up some stuff about Numerology.

[NOTE: Until my Spiritual Awakening a few weeks ago, I was deeply sceptical of numerology (and related subjects like astrology), even though I knew very little about it. I considered myself a purely scientific thinker, so I dismissed numerology as being the domain of the gullible, charlatans or the insane. But… now I’m prepared to be more open-minded.]

Thanks to for the following insights. My comments are [in square brackets and italicised like this.]

Your Life Path: 11

[Rock’s comments: The number 11 has seemed really significant to me recently in a variety of ways. Nice! Also, the number 29 has always felt significant to me, and that reduces down to 11 also.]

In numerology, 11 is a master number. You have unmatched intelligence, intuition, and energy that flows through you effortlessly.

[“Unmatched” is going a bit far – I’m of above average intelligence, at a rough guess maybe in the top 10-20% of the population, but I try not to be big-headed about it. In the last few weeks, I’ve had an abundance of energy and intuition (at least most of the time).]

You inspire people without even trying [I wish that were true, but I’m not sure it is!] and new ideas, answers and opportunities present themselves quickly, and often by surprise [Yes, when I’m in a creative state of flow, I come up with cool ideas really quickly.]

All of this amounts to a great capacity for invention and creation. [Yes, especially in the last 3 weeks, I’ve felt very creative. Beforehand, I’d say I was intermittently creative.]

Whether you’re aware of it or not, you have deep psychic ability and a rare connection to spirit. [Wow! I really hope this is true. I’ve had lots of spiritual insights recently, but I’m trying to keep a healthy scepticism.]

You are a beacon of light which others naturally follow. [I’m not convinced this is true. I’m quite a loner (well, I was). Until recently, I found it very hard to socialise or make friends.]

Because of this, you find that others often request your support, advice and direction. [I do like to help others, but I don’t feel that people often ask me for help.]

You tend to be a bit emotional [YES!] but it’s only because you are so highly charged and experience such rich psychic connections that it can be hard to process all the information you receive [I’m not sure about this bit.]

Continue to be open to divine inspiration [I intend to!] and guide others with your wisdom [OK! That’s assuming anyone thinks I’m worth listening to!] and you’ll effortlessly achieve your full Life Path potential. [I do often think of myself as a reasonably good teacher / trainer.]

Your Expression / Destiny Number: 6

Six is the number of contribution and reliability. [Hmmm, contribution maybe, but I’d say that for most of my life I was notoriously unreliable, though that’s changing at the moment.]

You are devoted and generous in all that you do. [Not sure. I do try to be generous when I can, but I guess most people do.]

Your sense of responsibility is rarely outmatched [NO! Until fairly recently, I often sought to minimise my responsibility!] and it shows clearly in your love of others [I try hard these days to love others and see the good in everyone] and willingness to do whatever it takes to help someone in need [I’d like to think this is true] whether it be a friend or complete stranger.

Your greatest inner gift is your ability to gain an unwavering sense of trust from others. [I really wish this was true, but unfortunately, until a few weeks ago, I seemed to be pretty awful at keeping the trust of others. Hopefully this is improving though.]

This dependability and strength of character are the keys to your success – so keep it up! [Perhaps this means that I should focus on being dependable and reliable from now forwards, since my Spiritual Awakening. I feel like I can do this now, even though my past was very different.]

You’ve probably found that failure only knocks at your door when you undermine your own integrity [Hmmm, I think this depends on how you define “failure”. But certainly my greatest failings have happened when I’ve undermined my own integrity. Perhaps that’s true for everyone though.] by sacrificing too much for the benefit of others [The only obvious way I think I did this sometimes was by not charging enough for my time or professional services].

Because of your dependable nature, you tend to attract dependent people in your personal and professional life, [I don’t think this is true] so keep a watchful eye.

Set boundaries and avoid absorbing others’ problems as your own. [This is good general advice for anyone, not just me. I think I’m pretty good at this these days.]

You are full of love. [I’m full of something!]

Continue to focus on your goals and ambitions as well as those of others and that love will multiply and take your success to a whole new level. [Really? Again, this is generic advice which applies to everyone.]

Please know that there is still SO much left in your unique Numerology Chart… and if you’ll allow me, I’d like to give you even more insight… [No thanks, I think I’ve had enough.]

Rock’s conclusion

This all started off well. My life path number of 11 seems really cool and I like the sound of lots of those related ideas.

Unfortunately, my Expression / Destiny Number seems only partially right, no better than random chance really.

Significant Dates

[NOTE: See the bottom of this post for updates]

This post is purely a public record of the fact that certain dates are seeming significant to me.

This could all be nonsense caused by drug-induced psychosis, or maybe my unconscious mind knows something that I don’t.

Either way, I’m curious to see what (if anything) happens on the following dates.

[Note: I’m using the UK date format, which is DD/MM/YY. The US system is MM/DD/YY.]

  • 11/09/2019 – Yes, I know it’s the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks in the US. But I feel like there might be an extra meaning this year.
  • 09/11/2019 – Possibility: the UK version of the 9/11 attacks? But would this be literal, metaphorical or symbolic? External or internal (to me)?
  • 29/11/2019 – the number 29 has always been significant for me. I think the 29th November may have some connection to the 9th November.

We only have to wait until tomorrow for the first of these dates. Let’s see what (if anything) happens.

UPDATE – 11/09/2019 9:30am

Well, it’s 9:30am and I feel absolutely awful today. I forced myself out of bed only because it’s best health-wise to try to get up at a consistent time each day. But really I feel I could quite happily have stayed in bed until lunchtime. This is the lowest I’ve felt since my Spiritual Awakening. I think it’s down to a combination of bad food choices last night and some despair-inducing dreams. Fingers crossed things get better soon.

UPDATE – 11/09/2019 10:45am

Yep, today is definitely significant… for me, at least. Check out this post, “Relapse”.

UPDATE – 12/09/2019 00:05am

A few hours ago, the Twin Towers collapsed (metaphorically speaking).

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[UPDATE 07/09/19: Just remembered… I had a dream a few nights ago where I was setting my watch to 4:44.

And, just now, on my WordPress stats page… check out the vertical column of 444.

It also looks a bit like the number 11 is on the left (two thick blue bars). Apparently when 444 is with 11, it’s a magic reinforcement.]

My WordPress stats page, 21:19 on 07/09/2019

At the peak of my Spiritual Awakening around Thursday 22nd August 2019, I kept seeing a certain number everywhere…


During the course of one evening, I must have seen this number at least 7 times. Every time I saw these three number 4s, the numbers seemed to be bright and glowing, they were standing out so much to me.

I was blown away by this, so I WhatsApp’d a friend of mine who I knew was into Numerology (that’s how I know the date this happened).

After a while, I realised (intuited?) it actually seemed to be 44 followed shortly afterwards by another 4.

I had no idea what this all meant, only that it felt very significant to me.

Bear in mind, I had been experiencing drug-induced psychosis for about 9 days by this point. Make of that what you will.

Earlier today, I blogged about Flume’s Mini Mix, which aired on BBC Radio 1 last night. Flume has been my favourite music producer for the last couple of years. Here’s the Radio 1 website:

Flume’s Mini Mix from Annie Mac’s show on BBC Radio 1

Notice anything? Let’s look closer…


Also, I’ve just noticed… at the start of the mix, Annie Mac says:

“…So he’s done us a Mini Mix that is 4/4, which is significant…”

Annie Mac

Just a coincidence? Probably…

… But also very cool.

[UPDATE 08/09/2019: After a quick bit of Googling, one of the possible meanings of seeing 444 everywhere is that you’re experiencing a Spiritual Awakening. That’s exactly what I believe has been happening to me for the last few weeks.]

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