Do I Still Experience Any Psychosis?

Short answer: very little and only rarely. It’s not disturbing and doesn’t disrupt my day-to-day life.

Longer answer: The most pervasive symptom is one that I experience multiple times per day. It’s a belief that certain numbers are significant.

I frequently look at my watch or phone and see number patterns which seem significant.

For a while, 444 and 11 were very significant to me. They seemed to represent death and destruction. By coincidence, 3 people died around that time (444 is the number 4 (death) repeated 3 times). And also, I ended my friendships with two close friends, represented by 11, which also happened on 11th September (9/11, Twin Towers). 444 can also represent a spiritual awakening, which is what I’d been calling my psychosis.

So, back to today…

The times with repeating numbers seem to be the most significant, like 12:22.

Times with 4 repeating numbers are the most significant of all, like 11:11.

Even times which are palindromic (the same when reversed) have some degree of significance, such as 13:31.

What do all the times/numbers signify? I don’t know, but I decided they were lucky in some way. It helped me feel comforted, like the Universe was looking out for me.

But, now the psychosis is 99%+ over (at least it feels that way), I’m trying to interpret these experiences through a scientific lens.

It seems to be my brain’s pattern-matching ability going into overdrive. These times stand out as slightly unusual, but then my brain makes the leap into bestowing them with special significance.

The depressingly simple fact is that we forget all the times we look at our watch or a clock and the numbers are not significant or repeating. We only remember the ones that stand out.

I have depression and addiction issues. I often feel the urge to escape from reality. Perhaps these psychosis symptoms are a manifestation of that desire.

Since being a teenager I’ve always liked the number 29 and felt it had some kind of special significance to me. But I didn’t obsess over it.

And the number 8 has always been significant to my wife and I.

I’m pretty sure these numbers are just a bit of curious fun… they don’t dominate my life or cause me to come up with elaborate meanings for their significance.

And these times I’m seeing on clocks every day… again I’m pretty sure it’s just something curious, my brain spotting patterns. Nothing magical or supernatural at all… unfortunately.

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