Yesterday I wrote that today would be a significant day for me. Little did I know exactly how significant it would turn out to be.
Firstly, I made some profound realisations this morning about my own recovery, relapses etc.
And then, this evening… two magnificent twin towers were destroyed in spectacular fashion. (Yes, I am speaking metaphorically.)
I’ve mentioned in several blog posts about some difficulties I’ve had recently with a couple of friends. This evening one of those friends made it crystal clear that those two friendships are effectively destroyed, reduced to rubble. They will never be the same again.
I feel angry. The destruction seems so needless. I certainly didn’t want this to happen.
But more than that, I just feel deeply sad. One of the people was one of my oldest and closest friends. We’ve been through so much together. I feel he’s being grossly unfair and has completely the wrong end of the stick. He’s making several assumptions about me which are wholly incorrect. But he’s too angry and arrogant to listen to me or consider alternatives.
I’m proud of myself though. When something like this happens, the temptation is to immediately retaliate to make ourselves feel better. “Old me” would have done just that – hit the nuclear button and wait for Mutually Assured Destruction.
New me is calmer, more sensible, more able to see the bigger picture. More Spiritual.
I’m not going to respond. I’m staying calm and will pray for guidance.
My sponsor at the 12 Steps fellowship told me yesterday that if things don’t work out with these friends, it might actually be the best result for me. There are several good reasons for that. He may well be correct.
I do sincerely hope that one day in the future, maybe, maybe… a new, unified structure will be built in the place of the two great towers which were destroyed today. I hope the new one will be even greater than before – and it will represent Freedom.
[UPDATE 12/09/19 01:15am: I saw the number 444 again a few hours ago while at work (mid-evening, 11/09/19). 444 was next to 11. It was right back where I saw it for the very first time a few weeks ago. That was also about the time when my friendships with 2 people started to go wrong. The Twin Towers look a bit like the number 11. And they were destroyed a few hours ago, along with those 2 friendships.]
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