Ground Zero

Well, it would seem that today, 31st August 2019, marks the day where I’ve more or less returned to normal (for me!) after my Spiritual Awakening.

My feelings, thoughts and behaviour all seem to be back to the old me. And thankfully, I can sleep normally again.

But that doesn’t mean I’ve lost everything that was good about this experience.

As I look back over the last two and a half weeks of blog posts, I’ve managed to capture the vast majority of the insights and ideas which occurred to me during this period of mania/psychosis.

I still feel confident that 95%+ of it is valid and useful, not only to me but hopefully to other people too.

I’m extraordinarily proud of my Tidy Your Room graphic v2, which I see as the crowning glory of my Awakening.

Tidy Your Room

For me, it captures the essence of several very real and powerful systems for self-improvement:

It might seem grandiose or preposterous to claim I’ve figured out a system which captures all of the above. But, it is what it is. For now, I stand by that graphic 100% and I feel deeply attached to the methodology it represents. It’s certainly a system I intend to keep using in my own life from now on.

[EDIT: I remain humble and open-minded though. The current v2 of the graphic may not be complete or fully accurate. So there may well be a v3 which comes along in future.]

You could almost say I’ve started my own religion or a version of Spirituality. It works for me, maybe it will be helpful for other people too.

I certainly wasn’t the first person to come up with these ideas – they’re as old as mankind itself. But I’m not going to preach or evangelise. I feel everyone deserves the dignity of choosing what they want to believe for themselves.

So, Where Now?

Over these last 19 days, I started off feeling almost bulletproof. Gradually, that feeling has faded, along with all the other effects.

I feel a bit like a toddler who has had the stabilisers removed from his first bike. I’ve been given all the tools and techniques I need to cope with life on its own terms now, without chemical assistance.

Even as I write those last 3 words, I can feel the devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear…

That won’t be the last time you ever take drugs. There will be other times. Why would you want to miss out on something so awesome? You don’t need any external help. You can handle your addiction on your own.

The devil is a liar.

If I continue taking drugs, pretty soon I’ll end up in jail, a mental institution, or dead. Not to mention the fact there’s a serious risk my wife will leave me. She’s the best thing in my life. It’s simply not worth it.

I’ll keep going to 12 Steps meetings. I’ll keep focusing on what’s meaningful, not what’s expedient (or fun). I’ll face the dragon voluntarily. And I’ll pray I’ll be able to accept the things which I cannot change. In essence, I’ll attempt to live a virtuous life around the 3 core principles of Truth, Courage and Love.

It’s a hell of a lot better than being depressed, addicted and nihilistic.

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