[UPDATE: This post has been tweaked and updated on 25/08/2019]
As a child, I was afraid of my mother. She was an abusive alcoholic. Through her alcoholism, I became familiar with the face of evil from a tragically young age.
As an adult, I’ve often been afraid of making mistakes. At an intellectual level, I knew that mistakes are a wholly necessary part of the learning process. But the fear often stopped me anyway.
I inherited my mother’s capacity for evil. It’s not entirely her fault – all of mankind inherently has the dichotomy of good vs evil etched into the fabric of their hearts.
Towards the end of my mother’s life, I learned to feel compassion for her and her troubles. She was consumed by fear. She couldn’t face her addiction, couldn’t admit to it.
Eventually, it killed her.
I’m not going to suffer the same fate.
“If you are scared of strong men, you ought to see what a weak one is capable of.”Jordan Peterson
In my weakness, I was afraid of myself… afraid of the monstrous evil which bubbles inside all of us and can erupt catastrophically… unless we have trained ourselves to be strong.
Recently, I’ve been forcing myself to stop running away, to stop allowing fear to dominate me.
I’ve begun the process of facing hard truths. I’ve been willing to start making myself uncomfortable in the name of discovering the greater good.
I’ve learned the secret of how to keep my sword sheathed unless it’s absolutely essential for it be unleashed.
In other words, I’m becoming a strong man instead of a weak one.
Things are going to be irreversibly different in my life from this day forward.
August 2019 is an inflection point for my life. It’s a rebirth.
Or rather, it’s the beginning of a never-ending series of rebirths. Every day is a new start, a chance to learn something new.
Join me in this blog as I document some of the more interesting parts of this process.